Some Things Are Not Meant To Be. Some People Are Not Meant To Be. Sometimes, What Once Was, -Is No Longer

This post is part of The Awakened Heart Project

Week 4: Some Things Are Not Meant To Be. Some People Are Not Meant To Be. Sometimes, What Once Was, -Is No Longer. to Respond

“Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts … good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with.”

-Michelle Obama

Life and Opportunity 

You have so many countless opportunities throughout your lifetime, and you’ll meet so many different people throughout your lifetime as well. Some of these people will come into you life and stay forever. Others will barely leave an impression. Some will stay awhile and leave you behind, leaving you feeling saddened and empty. Others’ you will have to make the same decision about. Opportunities too, have a way of coming and going. Sometimes, the things we want (and people) aren’t meant to be. We try desperately to make some of these relationships and opportunities work out, but sometimes it’s just not mean to be. The sooner you realize that everything in this life has a phase, -some longer than others, the sooner you will find peace with the present, and peace with what is.

Plant Metaphor Time

Think of these people and these opportunities as plants. Some plants are only meant to last for a certain season, or certain period of time. If you try to make them live longer, you’ll be a bad gardener.

Now, just because certain plants (i.e. people, jobs, opportunities, etc.) may have an expiration date and were never meant to last forever, doesn’t mean they were a waste of time or meaningless. Most plants have their beauty and appeal for some time, but once they begin to wilt, it only makes sense to remove them from the garden (i.e. your life and heart) and start fresh.

Meaning and Purpose

Everything has its purpose, and meaning. Peoples and experiences come into our lives for a reason, -stay for a certain period of time, and teach us certain things. There is always a lesson to be learned. Remember, some of our most painful periods in life, cultivate the most growth.

Not every person or every experience needs to bring you pain in order for you to learn from them however. Some pain is completely avoidable! You can always tell who a person is, by the circumstances they grow and the energy they put out into the world. Remember the “psycho” we discussed last week? After a minor accident, the “psycho” took his frustration out on everyone in site and as a result ended up in being convicted of a crime, and living a life in a downward spiral of negative circumstances, all of which he created himself. Avoid those bad apples. Avoid that bad energy. Walk away from people and opportunities that you feel may bring you down, or that already have brought you down. The people you surround yourself with, are a reflection of who you are. You become whom you spend the most amount of time with. You become what you repeatedly do. So trust your gut with the people you meet! Are they bad apples or good? Sure, everyone has a bad day, but does everyone treat others badly every day, make choices that hurt others, and continuously disappoint? No. Not good apples. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and give people second chances, but always remember to trust your gut.

The other thing to remember is that every person and opportunity has something different to offer. Spend time thinking about what that may be so you don’t waste so much time trying to make something into something that it’s not. Don’t ask your relationship-less friend for marital advice. Don’t ask a career-less person for career advice. Some people just wont have what you need, so don’t waste time banging on their door, requesting their services. Don’t go shopping for a “kiwi” in a “shoe store”. Okay? Don’t accept a job that goes against everything you’ve ever wanted just because you’re desperate or worry that something better wont come along. If you need that job, know that that job is the job you NEED right now, but that it is NOT the ONLY job you can get. It is the job for RIGHT NOW. Know that something better WILL COME ALONG (if you continue to seek it). You ARE WORTH IT! If you feel in your gut that you need this job to survive through the next couple months without filing bankruptcy, then take it. Make it meaningful! It’s keeping you from filing bankruptcy! Trust your gut and follow your heart. You never know, maybe the person that is meant to lead you to your “right job” will be working in the cubicle next to you. Just don’t try and make this job (that you’ve known from the start mind you) into something that’s it not. If your dream is to be a teacher, and you accept a job a secretary, it will never make you a teacher. It will help you pay the bills. It is just a part of your current plant phase.

We All Have a Manual

Each person in this world, -much like a plant, comes with his or her own unique feeding manual. What feeds one plant (i.e. person) may not feed another. You too have your own needs and speeds of growth. Pay attention to yours, as well as others. You can’t assume that every plant or person will need the same sources and amount of food as you do.  Further, you can’t assume that others’ will know what type of food you’ll need to thrive. Life, and relationships can only operate with flexibility, communication, and cooperation. Tell people what you need, don’t expect them to know. Ask people for what they need, don’t assume that you know what’s best. Remember, to “assume” makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me” (ass-u-me). Ha! But seriously, it’s true. Also, remember that actions speak louder than words, and that not every person, or opportunity that comes your way will be able to understand your manual. Think of it as two people speaking different languages. It’s no ones fault. It may just not be meant to be. Don’t put all of your energy into trying to make it work if it’s just not right. Don’t waste your time. Everything has a phase.

A great little book called How To Be Happy Dammit explains it like this:

When you think about the different plants in your life, you’re reminded of something a wise gardener friend told you, -this time about a dying purple plant you once had in your home. You had been keeping this purple plant in direct sunlight, feeding it plenty of water, spoiling it silly. However, rather than blossom at your touch, it was perishing. When you asked your gardener friend about it, he chuckled and explained: “This breed of plant thrives best in darkness – with very little water”. You were surprised. You had thought that all plants craved lots of water and lots of sunlight. Now you know: some need less to live on, some crave being left alone. And the same goes for people.

Basically, leave people behind that do not serve your happiness, and deplete you of joy. Don’t put your energy into feeding a person or experiences something that it doesn’t want or need. Don’t spend time with the people that do not make you happy and feed your soul. Don’t try to make people into something that they are not; and don’t do the same with experiences. Always keep in mind that everyone and everything has its own manual. Don’t assume that you have all the answer already, and know what’s best. Remember that we all have different needs, speeds of growth, feelings and communication styles. Read the instruction manual and proceed with caution. Stay away from bad apples. Give people the benefit of the doubt, and give people second chances, but always trust your gut and do what is right in your heart first and foremost. Remember, everything has meaning, and everything has its own phase; don’t try to extend it past that; it’ll only bring you unneeded pain and disappointment.

“I’ve learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I’ve learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you’ll miss them when they’re gone from your life. I’ve learned that making a “living” is not the same thing as making a “life.” I’ve learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I’ve learned that you shouldn’t go through life with a catcher’s mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I’ve learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I’ve learned that even when I have pains, I don’t have to be one. I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I’ve learned that I still have a lot to learn. I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

-Maya Angelou

*Many of the ideas for the awakened heart project come from the book “How to Be Happy, Dammit: A Cynic’s Guide to Spiritual Happiness” by Karen Salmansohn

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